mother of three brain like pudding

Flu. Proper, real, bona-fide Flu.

2011-01-04T14:00:00.007Z

and I have it

and it sucks

BIG TIME.

It started on the 28th, with an itchy throat and a spiky temperature, but nothing major and I thought it was just the tail end of a cold I had had before Christmas, but then it hit me full on. Truly truly I have never, ever, in my life felt so poorly. My temperature was 103, and I was a coughing, stomach cramping, up-chucking, trotting, sore throat'y, aching, dizzy, sweating, delirious mess. Niiice.
I have had flu before and said then I never ever wanted to feel that bad again, but I got it again and badly. I even had a moment where I was half asleep with a high temp and semi-dreaming that there was a chinese takeaway on my bedside table!! I was truly convinced there was curry, rice and prawn crackers on there and couldn't quite work out where it had gone when I properly woke up. Weird....

It is only today, the 4th, that I have begun to feel a tiny bit better and I think that's got a lot to do with the fact I am dosed up to the eyeballs on Day Nurse. Jeez, that stuff ROCKS. Cold & Flu capsules ain't got nothing on this chunky bottle of fabness. I am floating around on a cloud of haziness with no pain, whatsoever. It tastes, like, AWFUL, and it is this thick, viscous, yellow liquid that sticks to the inside of your mouth and takes some getting down, but it works! It does make you a bit 'duhhh, what, sorry, who', but hey, that's usually me on a good day anyway! The Night Nurse like a dream too - pardon the pun! Although it un-nerves me slightly that you can buy something so potently 'knock out' over the counter. I took it last night at 8pm and I had to be dragged out of bed at 8 this morning by The Bloke who was off to work. I had slept through the usual din of everyone getting up and ready for school and work. That is some serious stuff!

I had thought that Oscar was getting it too and his temp shot up to 104 (ERK!) but it subsided after 24 hours thank goodness. Liam has decamped to my Mum's for the duration though, he didn't have his flu jab until yesterday and because of the Pulmonary Hypertension, he is classed as extremely high risk so that's the last thing he needs! Although I am now panicking that he has picked it up before I knew I had it and when I was contagious. I am missing him heaps but he says he doesn't want to come home because he is being spoilt rotten over there *rolls eyes*. He says he is going to come and wave at me through the window later though, just in case I forget what he looks like. Daft boy.

I am feeling slightly more human today. Although the tiredness, cough and sore throat are still hideous, at least I can get out of bed and move about, rather than whimpering in a rather pathetic manner even when I just had to get out of bed to drag myself to the toilet, then spending half an hour shivering when I got back into bed *urggh the horrors*

I hear people all the time moaning that they have 'the flu', and yet are going about their normal everyday business with the odd sniff and sneeze, and I have been guilty of that in the past. I was told that to tell the difference between the common cold and the flu is to ask yourself this; If you can see a suitcase of money lying in the road outside what would you do? If you had a common cold you would quite happily run out and get it. If you had the flu, then you just couldn't, no matter how much you wanted to......

Goodbye 2010. 2011, a year for ME.

2010-12-30T11:33:00.018Z

Tick tock tick tock....

So, it is the day before New Year's Eve! I think so much pressure is put on everyone to make New Year's Eve 'special' and 'momentous' but to be honest, my most memorable ones have been at home, quietly sat reflecting on the year gone by. Yes, we can all don our glad-rags and go out to parties and see in the New Year with drink in one hand, party popper in the other and being deafened by cheers of HAPPY NEW YEAR at the strike of 12. But that's just not my kind of thing really, I am a bit of a home bod, and I make no apologies for that.
I get quite emotional at the end of the year, it seems to be upon me so quickly. I think it is because we get so caught up in the whole Christmas vibe, and are so preoccupied with all the organising and shopping and then all of a sudden it is all over and the end of the year is upon us! A new year always signifies a new start, freshness, a clear out, or whatever that means to you. It feels like fresh clean air in your lungs and that polo freshness for your mind.

I have decided that 2011 is going to be a year of getting sorted. Myself, my house, my life. I need to feel like I am doing something with my life in 2011, I feel like I am stagnating somewhat and I honestly think like my brain is going to turn to liquid and leak out of my ears or something. I don't want to look back and dwell on the negatives of 2010, because there were a lot of awful things that happened that I never want to repeat. Of course there were loads of good stuff too, and those I will look back on with a smile and fondness, but in all honesty 2010 can bugger right off and not come back thank you very much!

I want 2011 to be all about positivity and good things. I want to become healthier, and happier and to be the best Mum I can possibly be to my boys. They have grown SO much and even looking at photos from Christmas 2009, they have altered so much in just 12 short months. Where did that time go? I want to hold on to their every acheivement, and document all the funny stuff, to give us something to look back on and have a giggle about in the years to come.
I am so so proud of them and I want them to be proud of ME, proud to call me their Mum. I want them to look at me and say 'that's my Mum that is, she's fab' and there are a few changes I need to implement this year to make that happen. I want to teach them to be happy, independant little people who know they have to work for what they have and to work hard for it too.

I don't want every little blip to become a major ''drama queen moment'' and I want to stand on my own two feet much more. To be less reliant on people to do things for me. I am completely capable of it, I am a grown woman *roar* ;o)

I am going to get rid of 'clutter'. Be that objects, or people that aren't good for me to be around. I want to surround myself with people that are good for ME. Not people that are just there for what I can do for them, with nothing in return. That might sound harsh, but that's the way it is.

I want to let my family know that I am not just here to pick up after them and that they have to learn to do it themselves.

I want to learn organise my time much much better so I am not cluttered up with running backwards and forwards and getting nowhere fast! Organisation, Clare my dear!

I am going to stand up for myself more and say NO when I want to, rather than be a doormat.

I want to learn, something, anything!! I want to learn how to sew, I am going to make a quilt each for the little ones, something they can treasure. (I am VERY determined on that one!)

I am going to try and sort my recurring back problem out once and for all. It can't be healthy to rely on painkillers to get through the day when it is particularly bad.

and finally... I am going to get myself sorted mentally too. I have always had leanings toward depression, with some real dark times in the past and lately things haven't been too good. I always try to drag myself out of the doldrums myself, I think relying too much on mediaction can be just as detrimental, but at the moment it seems harder and harder to do that. I have begun to shut myself off from my friends too, just because that is easier than answering questions of why I am being so 'blah'. Besides, kind words will set me off into floods of tears so it's best I keep away for the moment. Once I am out and about it is ok, but it is just actually getting off my backside and have the motivation to do so, which seems to have left me. I think a trip back to the Doctors is in order to see what they say. I owe it to my children to have a happy healthy Mum, I owe it to myself.

Watch this space people......

Where did that go?

2010-12-28T20:16:00.008Z

Christmas went so fast!

I blinked, and I missed it, but it was so lovely. I was re-reading my Christmas Eve post and it made me smile because I didn't have to wake the boys up at all. Regan woke up at 3am!!!! I was super mean though and sent him back off to bed with orders not to get up until 6, and apart from two episodes of 'pleeeeease mum', we managed to stay in bed until then! Oscar refused to wake up, gave me a 'look' turned over, and went back to sleep.....
Look.... *melt*

So, we left him in the land of nod and off we crept downstairs to see if Father Christmas had been, and he had! He had eaten the mince pie, drank the milk; apparently FC isn't very keen on Jim Beam *huffs* and Rudolf and his chums had munched the carrots. He had also left an impressive haul of presents...... so let the tearing commence, and so we did.

It didn't take long to do, but Regan declared this ''the best Christmas EVER mum'' which made me smile, and that was all I needed to hear. Oscar then woke up and came down and flabber was truly ghasted at the sight of a room full of presents and paper.

Please ignore the marvellous bald spot he's got on the front of his head. The Bloke was about to cut his own hair and had left the hair clippers within easy reach of little fingers. So, true to his nature, Oscar thought he would have a go. Luckily The Bloke was in easy reach of Oscar, otherwise it could have been worse! I was going to even it all out but the poor bugger would have been completely bald. He looks like The Bloke as it is, but he would have been the double of him with absolutely no hair and I couldn't do that to him........

Christmas Dinner was rather good and we stuffed ourselves silly, as you do. So now, it seems like I am here; from there to here, in one fell swoop, in seconds! It has gone so quickly and it will soon be 2011. I hope yours was a good one!!

And so they sleep.....

2010-12-24T22:00:00.002Z

It is 10pm on Christmas Eve and two of my beautiful boys are sleeping soundly. The mince pie, carrots, oats and milk are waiting for the Big Man in Red to arrive. I am just waiting for the eldest to heave his ass to bed so I can put the presents out. I am so excited! I have told Regan that he isn't allowed to get up before 7am *mean Mummy* but I think I'll be lying awake waiting for them to get up.

so, the veggies are prepped for tomorrow, the dinosaur... sorry turkey... is stuffed and ready for the oven, the pigs in blankets have been wrapped and the bread sauce is waiting in the fridge. My parents are here, it is freezing outdoors, but we are cosy and warm so all is well with the world.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas and I hope Father Christmas brings you everything you have wished for xxx

Ahhh that's better.

2010-12-23T13:22:00.009Z

'twas the night before (the night before) Christmas, and all around the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse....
Erm, yes well. Not in this house! Oh my life, I have two mad, slightly deranged, lunatic children running around. I posted on my Facebook status this morning that they were being quiet and still. Well that lasted all of about 30 seconds *breathe* it's all good though, everyone is happy and my Christmas Mojo has returned YAY!! The Bloke went to pick up the turkey and ham from our lovely butcher this morning. Jeeez, the turkey is like the size of a small dinosaur. Feathers? I reckon it had scales.... and teeth! I hope everyone is hungry on the Big Day, otherwise we'll be eating it for days. I shall bore you now with our menu, which looks something like this:

Breakfast
Bucks Fizz Smoked Salmon & Scrambled eggs

Lunch
Turkey
Roast potatoes & Parsnips
New Potatoes
Carrot & Swede Mash
Cabbage
Sprouts with Pancetta & Chestnuts
Kilted Sausages
Pork & Chestnut Stuffing
Bread Sauce
Gravy
Cranberry Sauce

Pud
Christmas Pudding
or
Trifle (made by my lovely Mum)

No doubt there will be other things munched/eaten/imbibed/inhaled etc etc during the day but I think I would be here all day listing it all. I am quite happy, a bottle of Jim Beam seemed to wangle it's way into my trolley in Tesco yesterday, (who DID that? I think those Elves are clever little suckers, I didn't even see them, how good are they?) so, that should get me through the festivities. So, peace reigns. Well, it will have to be inner peace, because I don't think this house has seen peace of any other kind for quite a while. But that's ok with me, because we are all healthy and happy, warm, safe and sound and that makes me smile inside and a feeling that I want to remain.

It breaks my heart when I think of people that are alone at Christmas, that are unable to get to loved ones because of this weather, or other circumstances. Or those that are in hospital, or visiting those that are. people who are spending their first Christmases without loved ones. I will be saying a prayer for them all, and giving my thanks for our Christmas that could have been so very very different.

2010-12-22T17:13:00.001Z

Christmas normality has been resumed.....

Bliss. LIFE IS GOOD.

All done! Bring on the festivities!

2010-12-22T14:37:00.004Z

Well, that's it. Pretty much all done. Food, presents, wrapping, done! The only thing that remains is to pick the turkey & ham up from the butchers. Although I came over all funny when the butcher told me how much the turkey was. Lord above REALLY?? Can one bird really cost that much? Has it been massaged and face-packed and fed from a silver spoon all it's short little life? Has it had a big fluffy bed to rest it's little head? Has it had counselling to bring it to terms with the fact that it will be nestling itself in my oven on the 25th? I think not. So I tell you, it had better taste like small fairies are dancing sparkles all over my tongue for that price, otherwise I will be proper miffed.

I do wish my Christmas spirit hadn't deserted me though, I feel about as Christmassy as July **bah humbug** This is so unlike me too, this is my favourite time of the year normally but I am so flat and just generally 'blah'. I need my spirit back, PLEASE! I am usually as excited as the kids, (if not more so) but *sigh* it's not so this year and this makes me sad. But I am really really trying not to show the kids and let it rub off on them and I am being my usually daft self and will no doubt, have regained my tinsel wearing, Christmassy'ness by the time the Big Man in Red arrives! Methinks a Baileys and The Polar Express might inject some festive cheer into my tired bones. If that doesn't do it, then nothing will!

The boys are ridiculously excited though and they are, as I type, trying to kill one another with the empty wrapping paper tubes, stuffed either end with dishcloths. Apparently they are 'Ninjas'..... hmmm. I am wondering do I stop them now, or wait for the inevitable fall out? Pah, I shall leave them to it, they seem happy enough..... Oh wait...

Starting to get worried....

2010-12-20T12:36:00.005Z

The roads are TERRIBLE here, I don't think they have even gritted the past few days and lots of smaller roads have been closed completely. and believe me, there are LOTS of small roads in Wales! They are covered in sheet ice and the pavements are even worse. Come on Council people, sort it the heck out!! I had to brave the pavements this morning on foot, due to my car being 'broken' to take myself and the little one to the Doctor's Surgery this morning. His cough just isn't shifting, and don't even get me started on the snot... I have a horribly painful elbow which according to him is 'tennis elbow'. I did regale the GP with what I though was an amusing story about me playing tennis on the Wii, but he didn't look very amused. I think he was probably busy. Or something. Anyhoodydoo we left armed with various prescriptions for all of our ailments only to find that the pharmacist couldn't make it into the chemist today. Sheesh!! So we are still without any tablets/medicines etc etc. Bloody snow!

I am starting to panic about the Christmas food shop a bit too. Seriously, we have NO food in this house as it is, I am poking in the back of the freezer now trying to see what I've got to feed the kids. So far I have come up with; half a box of fish fingers, a pack of stewing steak and a pack of chicken thighs. Ermm, what I am supposed to do with that? Fish finger sandwisches all round? Well half a one each because there is only about 8 of them in the box *sigh*

Yes yes yes, I know I said I loved the snow, and I know I said 'bring it on' but jeeez, we need to eat. Snow is all well and good when it is falling prettily and you feel like you are in a Christmas card and all cosy in the house, but what happens when you can't get your stuffing from M&S for Christmas dinner?? Well???

*breathe*

I am fine, honestly.... *twitch*

A Gingerbread House

2010-12-19T11:50:00.012Z

HOW MUCH FUN???

So, this morning we decided to assemble our gingerbread house. Oscar was slightly deranged from excitement and I have to say, more sweeties went into his mouth than onto the house, but hey ho! Regan was 'official photographer' and did quite a good job I think. We'll be finding sugar sprinkles for days though, after I opened the pack with slightly too much enthusiasm..... *ooops*

The boys were given the kit as a gift a couple of weeks ago (you don't think I made that did you? Heck, I love baking, but I don't think my ability stretches that far...) I DID make the 'cement' though, that was easy enough. It doesn't half go hard quickly though!

and so, to the finished *ahem* 'Masterpiece'..... *drum roll please*.......

TA-DAAAAA!

I am ridiculously pleased with our effort! Ok, it isn't perfect by a long shot, but it is ours and the boys had a blast making it.

*heart*

Holidays are coming.... holidays are coming.....

Snow Snow Snow!!

2010-12-18T12:01:00.007Z

Where did it all come from? I haven't seen snow like this for, like, ever! We live right on the North-East coast of Wales and we get tiny snow showers, but it never sticks and I get proper miffed when I see all the news stories of people up to their knees in the white stuff. But *YAY* we have at least 4 inches and it is still coming down, thick and fast (my friend Eric, giggles like a teenage boy when people describe the snow, but the less said about his filthy mind the better) *chuckle*

We have already been out for a snowball fight and we'll be out later to build a snowman whooop! Big kid? Moi..... *ahem*

I have promised the boys we'll be making a gingerbread house later too, I'll upload some pics when it's all done and looking pretty (or looking like a dog's dinner, which is probably more likely)

Pudding? More the consistency of goo.....

2010-12-15T09:33:00.003Z

Urrghh. Three hours sleep sucks. Big time.
Money money money.... spinning round my head like a whirlwind. I would quite like to win the lottery, if that's ok with the 'powers that be'. That would quiet rather a lot of the whirlwind that is going on in my head right about now. It wouldn't completely still, maybe just turn it down to a stiff breeze, but I could handle that. Anyhoo, I am foggy headed, tired and generally feeling a bit 'meh' today.

On the upside.... Ten sleeps to go! The boys are super excited although that is just reminding me that I have a ridiculous amount of wrapping to do which is my WORST Christmas chore ever ever. It comes just above washing windows and ironing in my book! People tell me to put some Christmas music on and crack open the Baileys to make it more enjoyable. There is nothing enjoyable about paper cuts, sticky tape getting everywhere (you will ALWAYS find a stray piece of tape stuck to the underside of the table - usually sometime in July - that you stuck there in a line with the rest of the roll)

Buuuut, I am doing my bestest to count my blessings, rather than dwelling on what I am NOT blessed with. That sounds slightly 'twee' but I am hanging on to that for now....

It's been a funny old year.

2010-12-14T10:41:00.005Z

Apologies for complete and total lack of any blogging. Around a week after I started this blog, all hell broke loose and the whole family was turned upside down when my eldest - Liam - was taken into hospital with a suspected hole in the heart. That turned out not to be so, and we were told he had Pulmonary Hypertension, a very very rare, life threatening heart & lung condition. We spent a month in a specialist unit in Sheffield, some of it in Intensive Care and watching your child fight tooth and nail for his life is not something I want to repeat. Ever. He has surpassed everyones expectations though, including the Doctors and to go from being told (on my middle son's birthday of all days) that we were going to lose him, to him being home and going out running and biking, is more than I dared hope for. He still has a long way to go, it is an incurable condition (for now anyway, who knows what cures will come in the future) but he is here, right here, right now, and that is what matters.

I won't be sad to see the back of 2010, I hasn't been the best of years. Nearly losing Liam kind of put paid to being able to say 'Yay! What a fabulous year, bring on the next!'. BUT, it could have been much much MUCH worse and my first born - all 6 feet, 4 (and a quarter) inches of him, is still here, alive and very much kicking and that, my readers, makes my heart sing. So, it is not all bad. Yes, it could be better, of course it could. I don't know anyone that would say their lives couldn't be improved upon, but I am thankful for my little lot and I count my blessings every single day. You just have to, dont you.

Anyway, enough with the maudlin.....

I adore this time of year and I think this Christmas will be an emotional one. I love making the house look festive, with my mahoosive tree in the corner and all the windowsills looking pretty. Oscar really 'gets it' this year too and is SO excited! Santa came round the streets on a sleigh last night and his face was just pure excitement and awe. My heart nearly burst! He is not a well chappie at the moment, full of a ridiculous amount of snot and horribly sore, itchy eyes. He is needing lots of Mummy cuddles and snuggles on the sofa. So, that is where I am off to. I have a date under a blanket with a feverish 2 year old and an episode of Fireman Sam.....

Busy busy busy!!

2010-07-01T11:58:00.001+01:00

We have got such a busy few weeks coming up. Middle son's birthday, my birthday, and a camping trip to organise (first time camping, errk wish me luck!) Expense expense!

So, here goes nothing....

2010-06-30T20:18:00.003+01:00

The birth of my blog! I've always wanted to do one of these, but I'm not sure who would actually want to read it? I'm a Mum of three boys (well four if you count The Bloke, but we'll come to that another time) one of the boys is at Uni, so he's not really 'here' but still costs us just as much money - how DOES he do that?

The other two are 7 and 2; we like to call them our Prince of Darkness & Son of Beelzebub... sort of explains why my brain is the consistency of pudding really. Ahhh they aren't THAT bad... are they?