Flu. Proper, real, bona-fide Flu.

and I have it

and it sucks

BIG TIME.

It started on the 28th, with an itchy throat and a spiky temperature, but nothing major and I thought it was just the tail end of a cold I had had before Christmas, but then it hit me full on. Truly truly I have never, ever, in my life felt so poorly. My temperature was 103, and I was a coughing, stomach cramping, up-chucking, trotting, sore throat'y, aching, dizzy, sweating, delirious mess. Niiice.
I have had flu before and said then I never ever wanted to feel that bad again, but I got it again and badly. I even had a moment where I was half asleep with a high temp and semi-dreaming that there was a chinese takeaway on my bedside table!! I was truly convinced there was curry, rice and prawn crackers on there and couldn't quite work out where it had gone when I properly woke up. Weird....

It is only today, the 4th, that I have begun to feel a tiny bit better and I think that's got a lot to do with the fact I am dosed up to the eyeballs on Day Nurse. Jeez, that stuff ROCKS. Cold & Flu capsules ain't got nothing on this chunky bottle of fabness. I am floating around on a cloud of haziness with no pain, whatsoever. It tastes, like, AWFUL, and it is this thick, viscous, yellow liquid that sticks to the inside of your mouth and takes some getting down, but it works! It does make you a bit 'duhhh, what, sorry, who', but hey, that's usually me on a good day anyway! The Night Nurse like a dream too - pardon the pun! Although it un-nerves me slightly that you can buy something so potently 'knock out' over the counter. I took it last night at 8pm and I had to be dragged out of bed at 8 this morning by The Bloke who was off to work. I had slept through the usual din of everyone getting up and ready for school and work. That is some serious stuff!

I had thought that Oscar was getting it too and his temp shot up to 104 (ERK!) but it subsided after 24 hours thank goodness. Liam has decamped to my Mum's for the duration though, he didn't have his flu jab until yesterday and because of the Pulmonary Hypertension, he is classed as extremely high risk so that's the last thing he needs! Although I am now panicking that he has picked it up before I knew I had it and when I was contagious. I am missing him heaps but he says he doesn't want to come home because he is being spoilt rotten over there *rolls eyes*. He says he is going to come and wave at me through the window later though, just in case I forget what he looks like. Daft boy.

I am feeling slightly more human today. Although the tiredness, cough and sore throat are still hideous, at least I can get out of bed and move about, rather than whimpering in a rather pathetic manner even when I just had to get out of bed to drag myself to the toilet, then spending half an hour shivering when I got back into bed *urggh the horrors*

I hear people all the time moaning that they have 'the flu', and yet are going about their normal everyday business with the odd sniff and sneeze, and I have been guilty of that in the past. I was told that to tell the difference between the common cold and the flu is to ask yourself this; If you can see a suitcase of money lying in the road outside what would you do? If you had a common cold you would quite happily run out and get it. If you had the flu, then you just couldn't, no matter how much you wanted to......

Goodbye 2010. 2011, a year for ME.

Tick tock tick tock....

So, it is the day before New Year's Eve! I think so much pressure is put on everyone to make New Year's Eve 'special' and 'momentous' but to be honest, my most memorable ones have been at home, quietly sat reflecting on the year gone by. Yes, we can all don our glad-rags and go out to parties and see in the New Year with drink in one hand, party popper in the other and being deafened by cheers of HAPPY NEW YEAR at the strike of 12. But that's just not my kind of thing really, I am a bit of a home bod, and I make no apologies for that.
I get quite emotional at the end of the year, it seems to be upon me so quickly. I think it is because we get so caught up in the whole Christmas vibe, and are so preoccupied with all the organising and shopping and then all of a sudden it is all over and the end of the year is upon us! A new year always signifies a new start, freshness, a clear out, or whatever that means to you. It feels like fresh clean air in your lungs and that polo freshness for your mind.

I have decided that 2011 is going to be a year of getting sorted. Myself, my house, my life. I need to feel like I am doing something with my life in 2011, I feel like I am stagnating somewhat and I honestly think like my brain is going to turn to liquid and leak out of my ears or something. I don't want to look back and dwell on the negatives of 2010, because there were a lot of awful things that happened that I never want to repeat. Of course there were loads of good stuff too, and those I will look back on with a smile and fondness, but in all honesty 2010 can bugger right off and not come back thank you very much!

I want 2011 to be all about positivity and good things. I want to become healthier, and happier and to be the best Mum I can possibly be to my boys. They have grown SO much and even looking at photos from Christmas 2009, they have altered so much in just 12 short months. Where did that time go? I want to hold on to their every acheivement, and document all the funny stuff, to give us something to look back on and have a giggle about in the years to come.
I am so so proud of them and I want them to be proud of ME, proud to call me their Mum. I want them to look at me and say 'that's my Mum that is, she's fab' and there are a few changes I need to implement this year to make that happen. I want to teach them to be happy, independant little people who know they have to work for what they have and to work hard for it too.

I don't want every little blip to become a major ''drama queen moment'' and I want to stand on my own two feet much more. To be less reliant on people to do things for me. I am completely capable of it, I am a grown woman *roar* ;o)

I am going to get rid of 'clutter'. Be that objects, or people that aren't good for me to be around. I want to surround myself with people that are good for ME. Not people that are just there for what I can do for them, with nothing in return. That might sound harsh, but that's the way it is.

I want to let my family know that I am not just here to pick up after them and that they have to learn to do it themselves.

I want to learn organise my time much much better so I am not cluttered up with running backwards and forwards and getting nowhere fast! Organisation, Clare my dear!

I am going to stand up for myself more and say NO when I want to, rather than be a doormat.

I want to learn, something, anything!! I want to learn how to sew, I am going to make a quilt each for the little ones, something they can treasure. (I am VERY determined on that one!)

I am going to try and sort my recurring back problem out once and for all. It can't be healthy to rely on painkillers to get through the day when it is particularly bad.

and finally... I am going to get myself sorted mentally too. I have always had leanings toward depression, with some real dark times in the past and lately things haven't been too good. I always try to drag myself out of the doldrums myself, I think relying too much on mediaction can be just as detrimental, but at the moment it seems harder and harder to do that. I have begun to shut myself off from my friends too, just because that is easier than answering questions of why I am being so 'blah'. Besides, kind words will set me off into floods of tears so it's best I keep away for the moment. Once I am out and about it is ok, but it is just actually getting off my backside and have the motivation to do so, which seems to have left me. I think a trip back to the Doctors is in order to see what they say. I owe it to my children to have a happy healthy Mum, I owe it to myself.

Watch this space people......

Where did that go?

Christmas went so fast!

I blinked, and I missed it, but it was so lovely. I was re-reading my Christmas Eve post and it made me smile because I didn't have to wake the boys up at all. Regan woke up at 3am!!!! I was super mean though and sent him back off to bed with orders not to get up until 6, and apart from two episodes of 'pleeeeease mum', we managed to stay in bed until then! Oscar refused to wake up, gave me a 'look' turned over, and went back to sleep.....
Look.... *melt*

So, we left him in the land of nod and off we crept downstairs to see if Father Christmas had been, and he had! He had eaten the mince pie, drank the milk; apparently FC isn't very keen on Jim Beam *huffs* and Rudolf and his chums had munched the carrots. He had also left an impressive haul of presents...... so let the tearing commence, and so we did.

It didn't take long to do, but Regan declared this ''the best Christmas EVER mum'' which made me smile, and that was all I needed to hear. Oscar then woke up and came down and flabber was truly ghasted at the sight of a room full of presents and paper.

Please ignore the marvellous bald spot he's got on the front of his head. The Bloke was about to cut his own hair and had left the hair clippers within easy reach of little fingers. So, true to his nature, Oscar thought he would have a go. Luckily The Bloke was in easy reach of Oscar, otherwise it could have been worse! I was going to even it all out but the poor bugger would have been completely bald. He looks like The Bloke as it is, but he would have been the double of him with absolutely no hair and I couldn't do that to him........

Christmas Dinner was rather good and we stuffed ourselves silly, as you do. So now, it seems like I am here; from there to here, in one fell swoop, in seconds! It has gone so quickly and it will soon be 2011. I hope yours was a good one!!

And so they sleep.....

It is 10pm on Christmas Eve and two of my beautiful boys are sleeping soundly. The mince pie, carrots, oats and milk are waiting for the Big Man in Red to arrive. I am just waiting for the eldest to heave his ass to bed so I can put the presents out. I am so excited! I have told Regan that he isn't allowed to get up before 7am *mean Mummy* but I think I'll be lying awake waiting for them to get up.

so, the veggies are prepped for tomorrow, the dinosaur... sorry turkey... is stuffed and ready for the oven, the pigs in blankets have been wrapped and the bread sauce is waiting in the fridge. My parents are here, it is freezing outdoors, but we are cosy and warm so all is well with the world.

I wish you a very Merry Christmas and I hope Father Christmas brings you everything you have wished for xxx

Ahhh that's better.

'twas the night before (the night before) Christmas, and all around the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse....
Erm, yes well. Not in this house! Oh my life, I have two mad, slightly deranged, lunatic children running around. I posted on my Facebook status this morning that they were being quiet and still. Well that lasted all of about 30 seconds *breathe* it's all good though, everyone is happy and my Christmas Mojo has returned YAY!! The Bloke went to pick up the turkey and ham from our lovely butcher this morning. Jeeez, the turkey is like the size of a small dinosaur. Feathers? I reckon it had scales.... and teeth! I hope everyone is hungry on the Big Day, otherwise we'll be eating it for days. I shall bore you now with our menu, which looks something like this:

Breakfast
Bucks Fizz Smoked Salmon & Scrambled eggs


Lunch
Turkey
Roast potatoes & Parsnips
New Potatoes
Carrot & Swede Mash
Cabbage
Sprouts with Pancetta & Chestnuts
Kilted Sausages
Pork & Chestnut Stuffing
Bread Sauce
Gravy
Cranberry Sauce

Pud
Christmas Pudding
or
Trifle (made by my lovely Mum)

No doubt there will be other things munched/eaten/imbibed/inhaled etc etc during the day but I think I would be here all day listing it all. I am quite happy, a bottle of Jim Beam seemed to wangle it's way into my trolley in Tesco yesterday, (who DID that? I think those Elves are clever little suckers, I didn't even see them, how good are they?) so, that should get me through the festivities. So, peace reigns. Well, it will have to be inner peace, because I don't think this house has seen peace of any other kind for quite a while. But that's ok with me, because we are all healthy and happy, warm, safe and sound and that makes me smile inside and a feeling that I want to remain.

It breaks my heart when I think of people that are alone at Christmas, that are unable to get to loved ones because of this weather, or other circumstances. Or those that are in hospital, or visiting those that are. people who are spending their first Christmases without loved ones. I will be saying a prayer for them all, and giving my thanks for our Christmas that could have been so very very different.

Christmas normality has been resumed.....

Bliss. LIFE IS GOOD.

All done! Bring on the festivities!

Well, that's it. Pretty much all done. Food, presents, wrapping, done! The only thing that remains is to pick the turkey & ham up from the butchers. Although I came over all funny when the butcher told me how much the turkey was. Lord above REALLY?? Can one bird really cost that much? Has it been massaged and face-packed and fed from a silver spoon all it's short little life? Has it had a big fluffy bed to rest it's little head? Has it had counselling to bring it to terms with the fact that it will be nestling itself in my oven on the 25th? I think not. So I tell you, it had better taste like small fairies are dancing sparkles all over my tongue for that price, otherwise I will be proper miffed.

I do wish my Christmas spirit hadn't deserted me though, I feel about as Christmassy as July **bah humbug** This is so unlike me too, this is my favourite time of the year normally but I am so flat and just generally 'blah'. I need my spirit back, PLEASE! I am usually as excited as the kids, (if not more so) but *sigh* it's not so this year and this makes me sad. But I am really really trying not to show the kids and let it rub off on them and I am being my usually daft self and will no doubt, have regained my tinsel wearing, Christmassy'ness by the time the Big Man in Red arrives! Methinks a Baileys and The Polar Express might inject some festive cheer into my tired bones. If that doesn't do it, then nothing will!

The boys are ridiculously excited though and they are, as I type, trying to kill one another with the empty wrapping paper tubes, stuffed either end with dishcloths. Apparently they are 'Ninjas'..... hmmm. I am wondering do I stop them now, or wait for the inevitable fall out? Pah, I shall leave them to it, they seem happy enough..... Oh wait...