Goodbye 2010. 2011, a year for ME.

Tick tock tick tock....

So, it is the day before New Year's Eve! I think so much pressure is put on everyone to make New Year's Eve 'special' and 'momentous' but to be honest, my most memorable ones have been at home, quietly sat reflecting on the year gone by. Yes, we can all don our glad-rags and go out to parties and see in the New Year with drink in one hand, party popper in the other and being deafened by cheers of HAPPY NEW YEAR at the strike of 12. But that's just not my kind of thing really, I am a bit of a home bod, and I make no apologies for that.
I get quite emotional at the end of the year, it seems to be upon me so quickly. I think it is because we get so caught up in the whole Christmas vibe, and are so preoccupied with all the organising and shopping and then all of a sudden it is all over and the end of the year is upon us! A new year always signifies a new start, freshness, a clear out, or whatever that means to you. It feels like fresh clean air in your lungs and that polo freshness for your mind.

I have decided that 2011 is going to be a year of getting sorted. Myself, my house, my life. I need to feel like I am doing something with my life in 2011, I feel like I am stagnating somewhat and I honestly think like my brain is going to turn to liquid and leak out of my ears or something. I don't want to look back and dwell on the negatives of 2010, because there were a lot of awful things that happened that I never want to repeat. Of course there were loads of good stuff too, and those I will look back on with a smile and fondness, but in all honesty 2010 can bugger right off and not come back thank you very much!

I want 2011 to be all about positivity and good things. I want to become healthier, and happier and to be the best Mum I can possibly be to my boys. They have grown SO much and even looking at photos from Christmas 2009, they have altered so much in just 12 short months. Where did that time go? I want to hold on to their every acheivement, and document all the funny stuff, to give us something to look back on and have a giggle about in the years to come.
I am so so proud of them and I want them to be proud of ME, proud to call me their Mum. I want them to look at me and say 'that's my Mum that is, she's fab' and there are a few changes I need to implement this year to make that happen. I want to teach them to be happy, independant little people who know they have to work for what they have and to work hard for it too.

I don't want every little blip to become a major ''drama queen moment'' and I want to stand on my own two feet much more. To be less reliant on people to do things for me. I am completely capable of it, I am a grown woman *roar* ;o)

I am going to get rid of 'clutter'. Be that objects, or people that aren't good for me to be around. I want to surround myself with people that are good for ME. Not people that are just there for what I can do for them, with nothing in return. That might sound harsh, but that's the way it is.

I want to let my family know that I am not just here to pick up after them and that they have to learn to do it themselves.

I want to learn organise my time much much better so I am not cluttered up with running backwards and forwards and getting nowhere fast! Organisation, Clare my dear!

I am going to stand up for myself more and say NO when I want to, rather than be a doormat.

I want to learn, something, anything!! I want to learn how to sew, I am going to make a quilt each for the little ones, something they can treasure. (I am VERY determined on that one!)

I am going to try and sort my recurring back problem out once and for all. It can't be healthy to rely on painkillers to get through the day when it is particularly bad.

and finally... I am going to get myself sorted mentally too. I have always had leanings toward depression, with some real dark times in the past and lately things haven't been too good. I always try to drag myself out of the doldrums myself, I think relying too much on mediaction can be just as detrimental, but at the moment it seems harder and harder to do that. I have begun to shut myself off from my friends too, just because that is easier than answering questions of why I am being so 'blah'. Besides, kind words will set me off into floods of tears so it's best I keep away for the moment. Once I am out and about it is ok, but it is just actually getting off my backside and have the motivation to do so, which seems to have left me. I think a trip back to the Doctors is in order to see what they say. I owe it to my children to have a happy healthy Mum, I owe it to myself.

Watch this space people......